DEFINITELY NOT GUNS 'N' ROSES - Chinese Democracy
Written and recorded by anon, on and off between 9:50 and 11:59pm EST, 11/22/08, over a total actual span of about 35 minutes.
Any resemblance to Guns 'n' Roses songs living or dead is strictly coincidental (except for the song titles; those were definitely stolen).
Lyrics below the streaming player. This is one continuous 14'33" "album"-length stream by design. If you want to download the whole thing with separate tracks, here you go.
1. CHINESE DEMOCRACY
I went to Wal-Mart and bought myself their cheapest democracy.
Then I brought it home to my 2-year-old to teach him about the home of the brave and free.
But now he's got lead poisoning from eating all the contaminated paint.
So don't buy no Chinese democracy.
2. SHACKLER'S REVENGE
My name is Shackler,
And you gave me herpes.
So I gave your daughter AIDS.
3. BETTER
You better, girl.
You better you better you better you better you better.
Yep, you better.
4. STREET OF DREAMS
On the street of dreams
There's a stoplight of hope
Which gives a permanently green light to those who keep the dream alive.
On the street of dreams,
A six-lane highway of inspiration,
There's an HOV lane for those who refuse to dream alone,
especially during rush hour.
Driving on the street of dreams,
don't be caught talking on your cell phone,
Because they will put your ass away.
On the street of dreams,
don't talk on your fucking phone.
5. IF THE WORLD
If the world was made of chocolate,
I'd probably eat the chocolate,
Cause chocolate's fucking tasty after all.
If the world was made of chocolate,
But had some walnuts in it,
I'd chuck that fucking world right in the garbage for us all.
Cause I don't like chocolate with nuts in it.
There shouldn't be no nuts in fucking chocolate.
And if you disagree, my friend,
You're not a friend of mine,
Cause there should not be fucking nuts
in a world that's made of chocolate.
6. THERE WAS A TIME
There was a time when the mayonnaise was bad
And you made all these sandwiches with fuckin' bad mayonnaise.
And when you made the sandwiches, I didn't want to eat sandwiches,
Cause I got fucking sick from all the bad mayonnaise.
There was a time.
7. CATCHER IN THE RYE
(I'm not even going to bother with this one)
8. SCRAPED (cowritten by T'killa Mockingbird)
Here is a list of things I scraped today.
I scraped your windshield; I scraped some toast.
I scraped some kittens, they were being bad.
I scraped my ass.
I scraped your dad.
9. RIAD N' THE BEDOUINS
Let me tell you 'bout a guy I know named Riad,
who had some Bedouin friends.
They liked to feed him sand,
And they were also a handy anagram
For "A bonded urine shit".
[it's true]
10. SORRY
I'm sorry, was that your dog?
I'm sorry, was that your dog, missus?
We'll call the lawyers right away.
11. I.R.S.
(the rest of the songs either have perfectly audible lyrics or perfectly useless ones)